Should I have been embarrassed . . . because I wasn't

Speaking of birthing children, the day I gave birth to our little Bosco was extraordinary. Look at him, all tiny and new.

However, being me, there is of course a funny story to tell. (WARNING: I’m going to get pretty candid here). Bosco was off with his daddy getting all cleaned up and checked out. I stayed in my room, ate breakfast, and tried to sleep. But of course I had to pee like a race horse from the IV they had given me. So the nurse came in to help me up since I didn’t have all the feeling back in my legs yet (oh bittersweet epidural). Anyway, I had just given birth in front of a lot of people so having someone help me sit on the commode didn’t even come close to making me feel sheepish. She gently situated me on the toilet and walked away to get something.

This is where everything starts to go in slow motion every time I replay it in my mind, which I randomly do sometimes, usually while watching The Little Mermaid. I knew the moment the nurse left that I was not stable (yes I mean physically, not mentally). Somehow I got myself off balance and started to tip forward. I tried to keep upright using my torso muscles, since my legs were just ghost legs at the moment. It didn’t work. Slowly, I fell forward. It was quite odd knowing impact was imminent, yet not being able to intervene. I just tried to land on my belly as gracefully as possible like Ariel would have done while trying to get used to her new legs. My hands were still of use so they broke my fall. But there I am, on the bathroom floor, in a very immodest hospital gown, having just given birth. And I still had to go pee. Needless to say, the nurse rushed over to help me and felt horrible. I actually thought it was funny. I tried real hard not to laugh though lest she think I had lost my mind.

Well, that dear kind nurse helped me to my wobbly feet, sat me back on the toilet, cleaned up the mess my fall had made, and stayed to make sure I didn’t fall again. And I finally got to go pee. I didn’t even care that she was standing right by me probably thinking about how this was a great story to tell the other nurses.

On a side note, I peed longer than I ever had before, like over a minute. I'm writing this in a smaller font because this is something I'd rather whisper. But anyway, that’s a seriously long time. Take out your stop watch. Ok now wait for a minute. Ok now stop. See that’s a long time. Has this happened to anyone else after giving birth? Who does that? Me that’s who. Weird.