Do you see what I see . . . over in that lawn, dear reader?

Okay, first off. Nobody better so much as utter a word to me about LOST. I haven’t watched the finale yet because a storm rolled in and my digital converter box went all fritzy, and the one night I desperately want to watch ABC, it won’t come in. Yeah that’s right. We have a converter box because if we had cable I would waste my life away watching the deep abyss that is the Food Network. Actually the TV reception did come back in when there was about a half hour left in the show, and I had to have the Husband come and physically remove me from the living room so I wouldn’t ruin it for myself and him. I did catch a shot of Hurley crying (pretty sure that means someone dies), and Lapidus flying an airplane (pretty sure that means some folks leave the island). Ugh. I’m so livid right now it’s insane. I watched the finale of Celebrity Apprentice instead, even though I haven’t watched that show at all this season. It was like eating a cold slice of leftover pizza, when what I really wanted to eat was a huge steak with all the fixings, or maybe a big bowl of homemade chicken and dumplings. I was very unsatisfied to say the least.

Anyway, other than this whole fiasco, the weekend was very enjoyable and dare I say relaxing. I do, of course, have a story to tell. It’s a little macabre so please excuse.

Generally I try not to incite feelings of jealousy on my blog. But look at the view I have from my house. I love it.

Believe me. I know the value of a good view. The last year the Husband was in school we lived next to a very large and spacious car dealership. Our view consisted of metal fencing, brand new cars sitting there wasting away, and huge car lot lights bright enough to rival the noon day sun (Yes sometimes they did leave them on all day, as well as all night. This really vexed the environmentalist me).

So you can see why now I sometimes just sit on my couch and look out the window. Being pleased when I open the blinds is still fairly new to me. This weekend, though, my pleasant view has been somewhat interrupted, blighted by something I haven’t quite been able to accurately identify. When you first look at this picture, what do you see laying there in the grass?

Well let me tell you what I see when I glimpse quickly out the window . . . a dead body without limbs. And I’m not trying to be sick and morbid here. This is just the first immediate thought I have when I see it. I know that’s not really what it is. My thought process and reaction is similar to what happens after seeing something move out of the corner of your eye, and thinking it’s a dog . . . or a vampire, when really it was a gnat. A really big gnat.

I don’t even know what this object really is, some sort of huge eroded concrete vase that fell from the sky and landed in my neighbors yard? A swine carcass? All I know is that it’s bothersome, and I want to go tell my neighbors to do something about it. But that would be obscenely forward and creepy on my part. Yes indeed. So I’ve just been trying not to look out my window, or go in my front yard for that matter. It’s seriously disturbing because, for one, there’s a dead body outside. And two, because I’m the only one who seems to have a problem with it.

I asked the Husband what he saw and he said, “A jug.” I asked the sister-in-law what she saw and she said, “A rock.” When I told them what I saw they both said, “Sick.” Well what do you see reader? Any guesses? Because tomorrow I’m going to muster up all my strength and go investigate this mysterious lawn fixture. Wish me luck.