While I was out . . .

Hey! Remember how I just wrote a post about finally getting our Christmas tree up after much travail? Well, this weekend, just for kicks, I redecorated the whole thing. The ornament placement was really bothering me.

Well that is not entirely the truth. I’ve come to learn first-hand that redecorating the Christmas tree is what one has to do out of necessity when one has a jolly little fifteen-month old human who somehow ends up sprawled on the floor with the Christmas tree on top of him.

I’m not gonna lie. I thought this was something that only happened to silly sitcom families, and on America’s Funniest Home Videos. This isn’t something that would ever happen under my watch. That last sentence I can still claim to be truth though, seeing as how I was not home when The Incident occurred. The Husband was on duty and that’s all I’m going to say about that.

Except I will say that the Husband’s efforts to fix/cover-up the incident exceeded his normal standards. Either that or I was uncharacteristically inattentive. I didn’t even notice anything askew until Bosco told me Bubba pulled the tree down.

I thought he was joking until I noticed that some of the ornaments I intentionally placed in certain places on the tree were now in other places, and the kitchen table was littered with various ornaments that had lost their wire hooks to the dark pine abyss . . . and the carpet was damp, and there were drenched towels on the kitchen floor, and the stench of guilt lingered in the air. It was all almost too much to bear.

But being the weirdo I am, I had to try and put everything back where it had been originally or else my obsessive nature would have eaten me alive. Because I had enjoyed seeing that ornament from that couch, and I had enjoyed seeing that other ornament from the other coach. My oh my, the levels to my crazy run deep.

Bubba is fine, I think. A little shy around Christmas trees now. If I had witnessed The Incident in person I might have been compelled to say goodbye to Christmas trees forever. My human baby! With pine needles stuffed in his mouth! Scratching his eyeballs! Sapping up his hair! Destroying his Christmas cheer! With a face that surely looked something like this. Something pitiful.

But perhaps my imagination is even worse than the reality.

You are all witnesses though. I said in Post 128, Line 40-41 that the tree was not as stable as I would have liked. Freaking foreshadowing people.

Please note: A counter weight consisting of roughly ten pounds of coins has now been placed on the opposite side of the tree (a side that cannot be accessed by toddlers, let alone me) so as to hopefully prevent further damage to my children and my holidays.