Thoughts of an Insomniac: There is something worse than soggy cereal. Hangnails.

The insanity’s back this week. I mean the Insomnia. The Insomnia is back. You remember right? My long time friend/foe? We have an on and off again relationship. And right now it’s on, like Donkey Kong.

So I find myself awake at 2:00 AM watching very dumb yet horrifying movies, like this one about a woman who interrupted an African goat sacrifice, so the witch doctor puts a curse on her because she was so rude and all, then she’s finding dead loved ones everywhere including the walk-in freezer.

Now the inner me knows I should turn this crap off because the odds of being able to sleep peacefully after watching it are very slim. But then I get this feeling of needing to finish what I start, also known as dumbness. Then it all gets too stupid even for my sleep deprived mind, so I turn the T.V. off and decide to go to bed, in a slightly paranoid state of mind.

You know the state, the one where you want to act all grown up but inside you’re pretty sure that someone is following you down the stairs so you hurry to turn on the lights in the hallway and BAM! Wouldn’t you know a light bulb decides to burn out at the precise moment you flip the switch and maybe you might have quietly screamed and jumped at your reflection in the mirror.

And then there's nothing left to do but just lay (lie?) in bed . . . awake.

It’s sort of the pits.

{My pits face}

All the while the Husband is deep in NeverNeverLand probably talking to Captain Hook about his hook no doubt or maybe even the mermaids, and I feel like hitting him with some really heavy yet soft pillows, just to jostle him a bit. You know?

See, in those wee hours of the morning I’m not a very nice person I think. I start to get hostile and put on my victim hat because it’s pretty unfair that a person who wants to sleep, who adores the magic of sleep, can’t actually do so. There are plenty of people out there who hate to sleep, find it a waste of time. How about those people get a visit from my little friend?

So yes, I admit it. I get slightly mischievous thoughts, never really to be acted upon because they are silly ideas, like what with the pillows and such. Or sometimes they are outlandish like last night I thought if I could muster up the strength of gale force winds within my being and blow them straight in the Husband’s face maybe that would make me feel better.

But then I realized he probably wouldn’t even wake up, which was the WHOLE POINT. So I put my finger in his ear instead to make good use of the time and situation. Very primate of me. It did make me feel better and slightly drowsy too. Maybe next time I'll lick my finger first before I put it into the ear and this will send me straight into a deep slumber.

The Husband will be none the wiser too except for the fact that he reads this blog, devotedly so, and he will now know about my misdeeds. Actually though he'll be expecting it now and he won't be able to sleep with icky anticipation, so either way it's fun!