Is it swimsuit or bathing suit?

Somewhere between my first and second pregnancy my rib cage formation has taken on a sort of Picasso interpretation.

It’s so odd it’s sort of funny and beautifully artistic, that is until you try on a bathing suit, which is what I did this weekend partly out of curiosity and partly out of necessity.

I’m talking a tankini here folks. Never been a bikini person. Not planning on changing that about myself. And a one piece is just asking for awkward potty breaks. There’s one place I absolutely hate to feel awkward and that’s the bathroom.

So tankini it is. Let’s be totally honest here though. It’s been about two years since I tried mine on.

This weekend’s fitting results were . . . uncomfortable, mostly due to the aforementioned torso arrangement wherein my ribs have been pushed up and out. I like to call it Funky Hourglass.

Behold a vague rendering of what I’m dealing with:

I’m pretty sure they don’t make a  swimsuit for that.

Let’s not even talk about the paleness. Oh the paleness! But I hear super pale is the new pale, so I’ve got that pretty much covered.

What about you? You got wacky ribs?

In other news, I feel an intense desire/need to own a turquoise colored piece of furniture. Last time something like this happened I got abducted my aliens for two months.