Make him jot it down I said.

If you were to look at the calendar hanging up in our (my) office you would see a picture of a lighthouse most likely. I like me a good picture of a lighthouse. Seems terribly old person of me I know, but please remember I am thirty. I am allowed this . . . allowance. Plus all of the calendars with Miley Cyrus and/or fluffy cats were sold out.

Oh I should stop right here and tell you that my sister has a calendar of topless muscular men in her car trunk. And every time I look in her car trunk it’s there (she says it was a gag gift). Don’t ask why I’m looking in her car trunk. Ask why that calendar is in her trunk and not on her wall. Mystery of mysteries.

Well, back to my respectable lighthouse calendar that hangs proudly on my wall, it seems that a particular earnest desire of my heart has backfired.

Here’s the gist: I’ve been trying to get the Husbo to write down on that calendar particular meetings, outings, etc that he has to attend that are not necessarily routine. Just so I know. That’s it. I just want to KNOW. Like instead of him telling me the day of that he has somewhere pressing to be at the very same time we are usually wrangling our kids for bedtime, I would like to know perhaps two days in advance so that I might gird up my loins in preparation for flying solo.

Or when he has volunteered our whole family to attend something that requires me to get dressed or maybe even COOK something to bring. I gots to know when I’m supposed to do this. Generally it takes me a week to determine just what to wear/cook, how to wear/cook it, and when exactly I should wear/cook it. I’m a planner you see. Genes maybe? I don’t know.

I am always very certain to write down what I have to do. This serves two purposes. So that I remember myself, and so when the Husband has asked me for a fifth time what I have going on, I need not say a word. Just glare and point towards that lighthouse calendar. Usually he’ll get annoyed with that and I have to tell him anyway. But that it just not how it should be. He should know and love the system!

But as you can imagine, all my gentle pleas toward calendar documentation have gone unmatched. Until recently.

I started noticing weird little dots marked on certain days and also some small slashes on other days. These were all days that had already passed though, nothing in the future. Are these the days he was thinking of me most ardently? That would be sweet, but it was sort of messing MY system up because I mark the calendar with a cute little swirl when my lady friend starts her monthly visit and then I put a dot on each day she stays. Classic me. So you can imagine how all these dots placed all willy nilly were terribly confusing and detrimental to me.

Turns out these are the days he has watered the grass my friends! Except he soon abandoned the slash for the much quicker dot. Could he not agree to draw a tiny raindrop on these days? No he could not.

Obviously I feel as if my life is unraveling before my very eyes. I would like to take back my wish but I fear he has started to enjoy organization too much!

And then I see this on the calendar for later this month, and well, there’s not very much I can say is there.

Where is this wood? Why does it need to be cut? Hath we a fireplace I know not of? Axe? We have an axe? Do I trust him with an axe? Is this code for ‘bowling’ or ‘buy my wife flowers’? Why is there no time noted? Is this the sort of woodcutting that last all day?! Maybe he wants to watch woodcutting on T.V. this day?

It's shamefully ambiguous. I hate the ambiguous. The purpose of planning is to be non-ambiguous.

Please just give me my Husband back. The one who documents NOTHING.