I should have never left the couch.

The other day I dusted off every surface of my house, as well as vacuumed up all the spiders and the wispy homes they had built in dark corners. They thought I didn’t see them, but really I was just being lazy, not stupid.

Then I realized I had committed a true act of anti-Halloween. What was I thinking?! People pay money this time of year for such surroundings, and here I had the authentic trappings of a well decorated house that took weeks to fester for free, but I sucked it all up.

Well if I had been thinking things through clearly (which I obviously have a problem doing) I would have just dumped everything out of the vacuum and spread it back ‘round.

Instead, I now have a backache, a bunch of fake cobwebs and spiders strewn all about, with a few ravens and owls thrown in to help me get over the guilt of wasted time and energy.

But let’s be real, those phony things aren’t scaring anyone out of the corner of their eye except for me.